If I had to write a personal ad...

...this is what it would sound like:

"Dear potential suitor,

My name is Quyen and I'm an Asian female driver. However, because I'm 5'8", I can, in fact, see over the dash (yet, I still have close calls with running over pedestrians) :P Many people think I look like a sexy librarian or a naughty teacher or some other form of a "punish me for doing bad in school" fantasy girl. Rest assured, you will be punished for having done badly in school, but only because I can't tolerate stupid people ;)

I have a wide array of interests, from poetry to music to video games to nudity in my own home :D I'm pretty comfortable being who I am, which is to say amazingly funny, smart, sexy, and talented to name just a few :P But, keep in mind that I AM an Asian female driver and if you get on my bad side, I might just "accidentally" run you over. I'm kidding, of course. Right? Right?? ;)

As for what I'm looking for, that's hard to say. It seems that everyone I meet has some hidden sexual agenda - even if I just want to be friends (and yes, if I don't like you, I'll tell you that I want to be friends just to be polite). I'm just sick of meeting guys who fall too hard or not at all but still expect me to be the girl of THEIR dreams. Get real, and stop expecting people to bend over backwards for you just because you're not okay with taking more than 2 dates to get to know someone without expecting some kind of reciprocation of affection. We're not trusting, furry little animals. We're those problem-solving raptors from Jurassic Park that can see through your BS ;) Spare us.

As for how much money you make, I could care less. Because #1) I probably make more than you and #2) you really don't think I believe you're going to spend it on me, right? :P As for how well-endowed you are, there will always be an even bigger vibrator... WITH a spinning head! So, beat that! ;) As for how intelligent you are, or where you went to school, or how many awards you've received, companies you own, or properties you manage, keep you and your ego at home because I'd rather clean my toilet than listen to you talk about how great you are and how you think you're so much better than the rest of society.

All I want you to be is you. Especially if "you" is a big dork who doesn't have the slightest idea what he's doing in life. Cause let's face it: no one really does. We're all just floating around in life waiting for opportunities, as if they were trains you could catch to places you've never been. I can honestly say I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just on a train to somewhere I've never been. And so far, I'd rather sit alone. And if you're thinking about asking "if anyone is sitting there", just remember, I'm crazy.

Signed,

Your friendly, neighborhood, Asian female driver :)"