NEW BLOG

Dear loyal readers,

I've changed my blog. However, this time, it's private. If you'd like to keep reading, send me an e-mail to sweetasianrain@hotmail.com with your name and e-mail address and also a link to your blog. You'll be added to a list which will notify you of when the blog is updated. Hope to see you all there!

Love always,

Quyen :)

My Nightmare Revisited

Here's an e-mail my ex sent me last nite concerning my last post:

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Let's make this short.

Your dream says more about you than it does me.

1) You're projecting your own desire for violence onto me. If you had ever taken the time to get to know me, which I know is a stretch for you, you would know I think violence is the lamest form of revenge. As I recall, you threw fits because I refused to satisfy your disturbing urge for domination and violence in relationships.

2) The reason you imagine yourself being killed is because somewhere in that abyss you call your heart you know that what you've done is low. So low, that you would kill someone if they chose to do the same to you.

3) Who knows what your dream means - maybe you're capable of murder, easily capable. Maybe you feel you deserve to be punished for what you've done, though I highly doubt that. Or, you could be playing both roles - yourself and myself. You might be trying to destroy that part of you that ruins relationships and incites hatred.

4) As for hate - you've done more than your share to deserve it. But, you definitely pushed the envelope throwing allegations at me while I was hospitalized and suffering from internal bleeding. That was uncalled for.

- As for revenge, you're doing a good enough job on your own - jumping from one inevitably doomed scenario to the next. If not, one can always count on your selfish disregard for others, or deep-running need for approval to ruin things.

- That's it - I need to continue unpacking. I just came home from a conference in Tampa, Florida, where I presented.

Nightmare

I haven't been getting much sleep because of staying up late. So, I decided to take a nap yesterday at 6:30PM. I woke up at 10:30 PM, sweating and crying :( I had the worst dream ever. I was auditioning for some kind of musical at my college, and there was this little mailbox center right outside the audition building. Everyday, I would check the mail and I would get these creepy letters from my ex b/f with postdates like "Sent two days ago" and stuff like that.

This kept going on for a few days, but the postdates kept getting closer and closer to the current time, each day. One nite, it was cold and rainy and I went outside to check the mail. Inside the mailbox was another letter from my ex, but this time, it was postdated "Sent 2 minutes ago". Right after reading that, I feel a gun barrel against the back of my head and a "click". I remember hearing Chris' voice as I cried and begged for my life. He shot me in the head and the dream ended with blood gushing out of my face all over the pavement and being washed away by the rain.

When I woke up, I was so disturbed. I've never, ever had a dream like that before in my life. I never even knew you could cry in your sleep. I woke up thinking, "God, Chris hates me so much." Like, pure hate. It was incredible. It's the kind of hate that could lead to someone killing another person. And that's what I think this dream symbolized. The disturbing part is that I can actually envision this happening in reality, and I realize that my ex, more than anything, arouses feelings of fear inside of me :(

LMAO

You guys HAVE to see this video! :D You can watch it without sound, but it's more effective if you do (especially at the end!) ;) Be careful: this is not work safe

http://www.ketchupeffect.com/teaser.htm

Enjoy! :D

Two's

Two Names You Go By
1. Q
2. Quinnalynn

Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. Vietnamese
2. French

Two things that scare you
1. Ghosts
2. Bugs

Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. "Wet Your Whistle" chapstick from Bath & Body Works
2. Calling someone

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. Armani glasses
2. Sushi Aki T-shirt

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists
1. Celine Dion
2. Whitney Houston

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You
1. Abs
2. Eyes

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Gaming
2. Writing

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. Amazing, all-consuming love
2. Gourmet chef skills

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. NYC
2. Japan

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Publish a book
2. Be a soloist one last time

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now
1. The leftovers in my microwave
2. White Zinfandel

Two favorite web sites
1. Blogger
2. Craigslist

Two Favorite Sports (to watch and/or play)
1. Tennis
2. Snowboarding

Two People who will fill this out
1. Peachy
2. YB

Two things you did last night
1. Listened to love songs
2. Beat Warcraft III

Two shows you like to watch
1. Project Runway
2. 24

Two places you like to go to:
1. My b/f's place
2. Malls

Two Favorite Subjects In School:
1. Creative writing
2. Literature

Two Favorite Places to eat:
1. Tango D'Amore
2. Bossa Nova

Two things you like about yourself (physically):
1. My hair
2. My eyes

Two things you ate today:
1. Nothing yet
2.

Two people you last talked to:
1. Matt
2. Jenni

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Recital rehearsal
2. Working

Bad Day

Friday nite, my b/f came over and we made dinner and watched a movie. The next morning, I woke up early to make us both a healthy breakfast. He begged me not to go to work and to spend all day hanging out with him, and as much as I wanted to, I had to make money. So, I gave him the key to my apartment and told him I'd be back at 3.

Ten minutes after I left my apartment, my car overheated on the freeway :( I put coolant in the reservoir and waited a little to see if it would cool down. Meanwhile, I called in to work to cancel my first lesson of the day. After waiting awhile, I tried driving it again. Within seconds, it overheated again :( I carefully made my way to the nearest exit and parked right next to a mechanic.

I called my b/f and asked him to pick me up and then proceeded to cancel all of my lessons for the day. When my b/f got there, he checked things out and then decided to go get help from the mechanic. I was so relieved that he just took charge of things. My ex used to make me go get or ask for whatever I wanted: directions, napkin, price check, whatever. It was nice to just watch my man do his thing and take care of the situation. It was so sexy ;)

As we were leaving, he handed me my house key, and for a second, I almost told him to hold on to it until we got back home. But I didn't say anything and placed it in this cubby in my car where I put my change. When we got home, I got out of the car and realized I couldn't find the key anywhere! :( My b/f helped me look, but we couldn't find it and the manager wasn't home to give me the spare. This was officially the worst day ever :(

Luckily, my b/f was there to be the glass that was half full :P He gave me a hug and said, "I'm sorry you had a rough morning, but let's make the rest of this day better. We'll go shopping and just hang out today." I'm glad he was there to put things into perspective and to try to comfort me :)

When we got home from shopping, my manager still wasn't there. So, we borrowed a screwdriver from a neighbor and took off all the interior paneling in my car. We discovered it slipped into this hole where the parking brake was. So, we both took turns trying to get it out using a fork :P Eventually, I got bossy and took over the operation and he went to go sit outside on the curb. There was this one point where I had it in my fingers and as I pulled it up, it hit something and fell all the way back down. I screamed so loud :P

Eventually, we got the key and unlocked the door. It felt SO GOOD to be back inside my apartment. We took showers and just watched a movie and then took a nap. An hour later, he ended up waking up and going home to feed his cats. But after he left, I just laid there in bed and just thought to myself: Wow. I'm really glad he was there for me today. He turned a really horrible day into a pretty relaxing and fun, quality-time day :) All in all, I just have to say that I'm really thankful that we're finally together :)

NYR Update

1) Exercise more

I didn't exercise at all this past month :( But I'd also like to blame it on my broken PS2 :P

2) No more smoking

So, I've come to the conclusion that I like to smoke :P I smoke socially, and sure, it's not good for me... but there's just something about it...

3) Drink less

I drink in complete moderation and my body thanks me :) I'll have a glass of wine with dinner every once in awhile and maybe an after dinner cocktail with my b/f sometimes :)

4) Get contacts

Check. I'm learning that I sort of look nerdy with glasses :P

5) Practice safer sex

Since my abstinence ring, I haven't had any. My b/f and I are going to wait until I'm ready :)

6) Make new friends

Since one of my best girlfriends moved up north, she matchmade me with one of her friends who is also a teacher and is also hilarious... just like me :P

7) Get rid of old acquaintances

Since I've been with the new boy, a lot of people had to be purged. Now it's just me and healthy relationships abound :)

8) Have a new adventure, once a month

Does a b/f or an abstinence ring count as an adventure? :P

9) Start practicing my viola

Hmnn... I could always do better, but at least I'm picking up my viola these days ;) I'm very excited for my string quartet concert in May! :D

10) Be more spiritual

Zilch. Nada. No way. I think I'm just way too busy to go out and perform rituals and that sort of thing. I guess I'm just a believer at heart :)