PS2 Sadness

I'm so sad! My PS2 totally stopped working! :( I can't play DVDs or CDs anymore on my big TV which has the nice sound. I can still play them on my laptop, but it doesn't have good speakers.

The PS2 has this disc read error. So, it won't read anything - not even games. I tried to open it up and fix it following my friend's instructions through IM, but it didn't work. So, no more listening to music while doing housework or watching DVDs to relax after work :(

The ironic part is I bought my ex a brand spanking new one right before we broke up. So, now I'm stuck with the broken one :( Ah well... c'est la vie. I guess I'm going to have to find a normal DVD player.

Swing, Q! Swing!

I'm just starting to get back into the swing of things, and it feels oh so good :) World of Warcraft is officially off the brain, my string quartet is beginning to really sound good, I'm still basking in the wonderfulness that new relationships have (even though it really began four months ago), and I'm just shaping up in general.

So, I guess you're all wondering about the new beau? ;) He's great, and yes, he's the one I've wanted to be with since the beginning. After he told me he wasn't ready to be serious yet, I went on my merry single way. We lost touch for three weeks, and during that time, I put on my abstinence ring. I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder because we reconnected at one of the parties I threw, and soon afterwards, we spent Valentine's together, and then he told me that he's been thinking of me more and more.

However, he did end up reading my blog and found out that I was being promiscuous which he got really pissed about and almost called the whole thing off :( But we both think that this is worth trying for, and putting the past behind us is what needed to happen to do that.

So now, we're both on a clean slate. I've spent the last few days with him. Some nights we just eat dinner and watch TV together, other nites, we'll go out dancing at a trance club. He introduced me to his friends the other day and they all seem so chill and down to earth. The best part are the mornings - sometimes, he'll just let me sleep in and I'd wake up to breakfast or vice versa. I love holding him and kissing him on the cheek or when he kisses me on the forehead or rubs my shoulders. I could write forever and ever, but I don't know how much of this he wants other people to know seeing as how I post everything on this blog :P Don't kiss and tell and all that ;) I just wanted to say that I'm really, very content with the way everything is going currently. It's just like it's all somehow come together :)

Surprise!

I have a boyfriend :D

Poetry with Quyen

There in Your Hand

There in your hand
are my hopes, my fears.
That is my heart.
Please don’t let me fall asleep.

Are my hopes, my fears,
blending with your own?
Please don’t let me fall asleep.
Please shield me from the midnight air.

Blending with your own,
my tears roll forth.
Please shield me from the midnight air
to keep me safe from harm.

My tears roll forth
and beg of you
to keep me safe from harm.
Throw down your walls

and beg of you
I surely must:
Throw down your walls -
Trust.

I surely must
wane away and tire… So,
trust
your weary soul to me. Don’t

wane away and tire, so
that hope extends
your weary soul, to me. Don’t
smile and pretend

that hope extends
beyond your reach. You cry,
smile, and pretend
that love is just a war torn dream

beyond your reach. You cry
to me, in twilight glow
that love is just a war torn dream,
and I disagree.

To me, in twilight glow,
your face and sky are clear and fresh.
And I disagree,
for in your eyes, is warmth you show.

That is my heart
there in your hand.

Addiction Broken

Ten days ago, my friend, Dan, dropped off World of Warcraft (WoW) and a free 10-day guest pass. It took me two whole days just to download the updates with dial-up :P But once I got in and created a character, I was hooked! :D I created all sorts of characters in all sorts of realms, and my highest level character was a level 15 Night Elf Druid (for those of you who care) :P

The bad thing about having so much fun was that I wasn't going to school and staying up late and playing this game for hours! I even burst a blood vessel in my left eyeball from staring at the screen for too long :P It took two days for it to heal. WoW was taking over my life :(

Last nite, I logged on and it told me I had 30 minutes left, then 25, 20, 15, 10, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and boom I was logged off. I was so sad! It told me I had to buy a retail version of the game just to play on that account again! That's like $50! PLUS, another $15 a month if you decide to keep playing!

The makers of WoW must be so rich. Thank god I'm on a budget AND I'm cheap. Otherwise, I'd go and renew and waste my young life away staring at a computer game :P Addiction broken. WoW is like crack, except now that I have this abstinence ring, I can't whore myself out to get more :P

Valentine's Day

E. Unavailable (the guy I fell for who didn't want to have a relationship with me) took me out for Valentine's Day last nite. He surprised me with a single longstem rose (and by longstem, I mean almost as long as my leg :P) It was the perfect start to the evening. We walked from his place to the restaurant, arm in arm. When we arrived, we were seated and he ordered two glasses of cabernet for us. I have to admit, I'm very independent and opinionated, but I love a man who will order for a women, even if it's a glass of wine.

I ordered this amazing dish - salmon in a mushroom saffron sauce with bay scallops served on a bed of steamed spinach and a steamed vegetable medley. It was delicious. He ordered the filet mignon with pommes frites, and we shared creampuffs in raspberry sauce with fresh berries and whipped cream for dessert. That's another reason I like E. Unavailable so much - he has great taste in food. I really feel pampered when a man knows how to pick out a good restaurant and has the good taste to be able to recommend certain things to you or even goes on a culinary adventure with you :)

When we got back to his place, he took out his after-dinner surprise - a bottle of Ciroc - the only vodka made from grapes. I've never had a more characterful vodka in my life! I think I may just have to make the switch from Grey Goose ;) As we were drinking, I tried keeping my distance because I knew I was wearing my abstinence ring, and more importantly, he knew I was wearing my abstinence ring.

Eventually, I think he got tired of cat and mouse and came over to me and started rubbing my shoulders. It felt so good, and the more I moaned and sighed, the lower his hands went into my dress. Before I knew it, he had gotten the top of my strapless dress off. I told him that I couldn't and pulled it up again. This went on for about an hour in various scenarios before I finally decided to get my things and head home. He responded with, "We're just having fun." And it was clear to me then that all I really was was "fun" to him. I really wanted to stay, but I knew I didn't belong there.

For some reason, I kept hoping that he would ask me to be his g/f last nite. Somewhere in my mind, I thought "tonite is the nite!" But I was only fooling myself. I have to admit, it really does hurt, especially when he's holding my hands in his or just snuggling with me. It's almost as if we're supposed to be together, but then, somehow, it's all taken away again. I wish things were different, but you can't make someone want to be with you, even if you want to be with them. It's just that everytime I hug him or kiss him or lay next to him and look at him, it feels like coming home.

Stand Up or Sit Down?

Last nite, I went to my very first comedy club. My friend from last month's threesome, Mr. X, was in the raffle for the open mic, and I decided to go and support him. Unfortunately, he didn't get picked, but I did end up staying for a couple hours anyway.

On the whole, the open mic comics were horrible, which leads me to believe that I could do a better job myself. I've always dreamed of writing something and doing stand up comedy. Maybe I should get a whole group of friends to write stuff and then go with them and enter the raffle. That would be an adventure in itself :)

Even though the comics weren't that good, here's my favorite joke from last nite:

Wanna hear a joke about two prostitutes?

Okay.

There were two prostitutes named Ethyl and Mabel.

Ethyl says to Mabel, "Hey Mabel, when a tree falls in the woods, but no one is around and the other trees have no eyes and ears, did it really fall?"

And Mabel says, "I don't know, but my pussy sure hurts."

Thank you.

:P

Abstinence Ring

On Superbowl Sunday, my best g/f, Ly, invited me over to her place for a BBQ. Not only did we have chorizo and chicken, but we also had margaritas which gave me the longest brain freeze in history! I was walking around in circles for a good 30 seconds :P Anyway, after the Superbowl was over, everyone decided they wanted to watch the Paris Hilton porn video. Well, I was sitting there watching this thing, getting all hot and bothered, while everyone else was getting all hot and bothered with each other. I decided I needed to take action. Ly said she never saw someone get up and leave that fast before...

I was driving back to my place and I called three boys, asking if they were up to meeting at my place in 30 minutes. Soon after, Mr. MIA answered my S.O.S. It was the usual "tie him to the bed and blindfold him" routine. After I was done with him, I took a shower, and lo and behold, when I got out, there was Mr. MIA laying on my couch, not gone yet. I guess he wanted to talk.

After trying to be rude to him so he would get the hint, he was still there, and I gave in. We talked for an hour about sex and relationships and our pasts. It was the first time I'd ever had a "heart to heart" with him. The funny thing is, a few days earlier, he told me he just wanted to be fucks - no buddies. Why did he all of a sudden want to open up? He left and I saw him off. But his words were still in my mind, and I spent the rest of the nite not at my party, but analyzing our conversation.

I don't know what he said that made me mull over his words, but they acted as a catalyst. I opened my jewelry box and pulled out an old diamond solitaire set in gold. At one time, this ring had carried all my hopes for the future, and I decided that its job was not done yet - I still had hope. This ring was to be my abstinence ring, and as I slipped it onto my finger, I kissed it and promised myself that the next time I have sex, it will be with someone I love.

It took me over a year to realize that being promiscuous was not who I really was inside. And while that year was tumtultuous and self-demeaning, I finally learned the lesson I needed to learn. You can't make yourself into what you are not. I'm not a jaded, heartless, female player. I'm not as tough as nails when it comes to matters of the heart. And people aren't replacable. In fact, deep down inside, I'm a fairly caring and compassionate person. I cry when I'm hurt. And I know that people and their feelings are just as important as me and mine.

Cheers to sex with love and to finding love within myself...

NYR Revisited

1) Exercise more
I bought a balance ball and have worked out maybe five times this month. But the way I figure it, five is better than zero :P In fact, I plan to work out this morning :)

2) No more smoking
I did smoke this month. Shame on me :(

3) Drink less
I totally did well on this one! I only drink at parties and maybe get-togethers these days. My liver thanks me :)

4) Get contacts
Not only did I get contacts, but I also bought a pair of Chanel sunglasses that weigh in at $300. Now I can look glam and pretentious all at the same time :P

5) Practice safer sex
I got tested and I'm clean, but I haven't practiced safe sex as much as I'd like to. It's not asking that's the problem. I just don't like the feeling. But for my health, I need to start being good about this.

6) Make new friends
I think I've made at least three new friends this month :)

7) Get rid of old acquaintances
I got rid of Sir Shady. That's a step in the right direction, right? ;)

8) Have a new adventure, once a month
Does a bisexual threesome count as an adventure? :P

9) Start practicing my viola
I haven't done it regularly, but I've done it enough to keep up the current level of skill that I do have. Now that I'm taking private lessons through school, I'll have more pressure to do well.

10) Be more spiritual
Whoa! I totally forgot I even made this resolution :( Needless to say, I haven't done anything spiritually fulfilling this year yet, but I mean to...

BS Wednesday :P

A couple days ago, I had my first threesome AND my first bisexual experience. They were a couple (we'll call them Mr. and Ms. X :P) who were looking for a third to join them, and I volunteered since I already knew the guy. I was so nervous! I had never been with a girl and had never had a threesome before, even though I've always wanted to have one with two men (which is still my fantasy :P) It almost didn't fly because Ms. X and I kept having cold feet about the whole thing and tried calling it off. However, due to the persistence of Mr. X, we all went through with it.

I got to their place around 8:30PM, and Mr. X greeted me on the street and walked me back to his place. He told me that Ms. X was inside getting ready. I was so scared about what was about to happen. When I walked in, Ms. X came out of the bathroom. She was beautiful: white, 5'8" (my height), long, tousled brown hair, dramatic eyes, soft lips, and a tight body to rival my own. We hugged and smiled and started playing Xbox 360 on the couch.

Soon after I got there, Mr. X sent us out to the market to pick up some drinking paraphenilia. She and I hit it off, immediately. She was funny, smart, sexy, and real. I could see immediately how lucky Mr. X was to have her. We came back to the smell of Mr. X making fajitas and I started bartending Vanilla Bombs: 1 part vanilla vodka + 1 part diet vanilla Pepsi over ice (you can't even taste the alcohol!)

A few drinks in, we started playing strip Mario Party 6 - Mr. X was the first to lose all of his clothes. Halfway in, Mr. X ran to the bathroom and Ms. X pulled me aside and asked me if I was comfortable with all this. I told her I was, and she leaned in and kissed me on the lips. I was stunned. The game continued until I was the last to take off my lacy pink thong.

I don't remember all that much. It was mostly a blur. I do remember making out with her a lot, fingering her, and I even went down on her! It was the weirdest thing I think I've ever done in the bedroom :P It wasn't bad, but it was nothing like how I expected it to be. Apparently, I'm not bad at it either... she came twice - once from me and once while riding Mr. X. But I think she faked an orgasm for me to help me feel better :P

As for what they did to me, well, she fucked me with a dildo while I went down on Mr. X. Then, he fucked me while she touched herself in front of us. It was so erotic to see another woman doing the same things I do when I'm with guys. She and I were alike in so many ways. I had a lot of fun chatting and relating with her between escapades, and she told me several times that she thought I was gorgeous and an amazing kisser. She was as well.

In the end, I didn't cum at all. I was just so out of my element that I think I was just shocked by everything. I had a fun time, all in all. And I think Ms. X is one bad-ass chick. Even if we met not under these circumstances, I know we would have clicked. We 3-way kissed at the end of everything, and it was the hottest thing I've ever done.

The next morning, Mr. X had already left for work, and Ms. X and I were laying in bed holding each other and rubbing each other's shoulders. We laid in bed for awhile talking like best friends - sharing stories, talking about the people in our lives, and just enjoying each other's company.

Mr. X will be out for the next few days on business, and I told Ms. X that she should come over to my place and just hang out. Not just for sex (although I'm still curious as to how far I'm willing to go) but to do our nails, watch Sex in the City, cook and eat, and just get to know each other as friends.

They want this to be a 3-way relationship, each of us really caring about the other two. In reality, I know I'm the guest star. But a part of me wonders whether exploring my sexuality like this is exactly what I've been needing? Whatever happens, I know I've made an awesome new girlfriend :)