Valentine's Day

E. Unavailable (the guy I fell for who didn't want to have a relationship with me) took me out for Valentine's Day last nite. He surprised me with a single longstem rose (and by longstem, I mean almost as long as my leg :P) It was the perfect start to the evening. We walked from his place to the restaurant, arm in arm. When we arrived, we were seated and he ordered two glasses of cabernet for us. I have to admit, I'm very independent and opinionated, but I love a man who will order for a women, even if it's a glass of wine.

I ordered this amazing dish - salmon in a mushroom saffron sauce with bay scallops served on a bed of steamed spinach and a steamed vegetable medley. It was delicious. He ordered the filet mignon with pommes frites, and we shared creampuffs in raspberry sauce with fresh berries and whipped cream for dessert. That's another reason I like E. Unavailable so much - he has great taste in food. I really feel pampered when a man knows how to pick out a good restaurant and has the good taste to be able to recommend certain things to you or even goes on a culinary adventure with you :)

When we got back to his place, he took out his after-dinner surprise - a bottle of Ciroc - the only vodka made from grapes. I've never had a more characterful vodka in my life! I think I may just have to make the switch from Grey Goose ;) As we were drinking, I tried keeping my distance because I knew I was wearing my abstinence ring, and more importantly, he knew I was wearing my abstinence ring.

Eventually, I think he got tired of cat and mouse and came over to me and started rubbing my shoulders. It felt so good, and the more I moaned and sighed, the lower his hands went into my dress. Before I knew it, he had gotten the top of my strapless dress off. I told him that I couldn't and pulled it up again. This went on for about an hour in various scenarios before I finally decided to get my things and head home. He responded with, "We're just having fun." And it was clear to me then that all I really was was "fun" to him. I really wanted to stay, but I knew I didn't belong there.

For some reason, I kept hoping that he would ask me to be his g/f last nite. Somewhere in my mind, I thought "tonite is the nite!" But I was only fooling myself. I have to admit, it really does hurt, especially when he's holding my hands in his or just snuggling with me. It's almost as if we're supposed to be together, but then, somehow, it's all taken away again. I wish things were different, but you can't make someone want to be with you, even if you want to be with them. It's just that everytime I hug him or kiss him or lay next to him and look at him, it feels like coming home.