Abstinence Ring

On Superbowl Sunday, my best g/f, Ly, invited me over to her place for a BBQ. Not only did we have chorizo and chicken, but we also had margaritas which gave me the longest brain freeze in history! I was walking around in circles for a good 30 seconds :P Anyway, after the Superbowl was over, everyone decided they wanted to watch the Paris Hilton porn video. Well, I was sitting there watching this thing, getting all hot and bothered, while everyone else was getting all hot and bothered with each other. I decided I needed to take action. Ly said she never saw someone get up and leave that fast before...

I was driving back to my place and I called three boys, asking if they were up to meeting at my place in 30 minutes. Soon after, Mr. MIA answered my S.O.S. It was the usual "tie him to the bed and blindfold him" routine. After I was done with him, I took a shower, and lo and behold, when I got out, there was Mr. MIA laying on my couch, not gone yet. I guess he wanted to talk.

After trying to be rude to him so he would get the hint, he was still there, and I gave in. We talked for an hour about sex and relationships and our pasts. It was the first time I'd ever had a "heart to heart" with him. The funny thing is, a few days earlier, he told me he just wanted to be fucks - no buddies. Why did he all of a sudden want to open up? He left and I saw him off. But his words were still in my mind, and I spent the rest of the nite not at my party, but analyzing our conversation.

I don't know what he said that made me mull over his words, but they acted as a catalyst. I opened my jewelry box and pulled out an old diamond solitaire set in gold. At one time, this ring had carried all my hopes for the future, and I decided that its job was not done yet - I still had hope. This ring was to be my abstinence ring, and as I slipped it onto my finger, I kissed it and promised myself that the next time I have sex, it will be with someone I love.

It took me over a year to realize that being promiscuous was not who I really was inside. And while that year was tumtultuous and self-demeaning, I finally learned the lesson I needed to learn. You can't make yourself into what you are not. I'm not a jaded, heartless, female player. I'm not as tough as nails when it comes to matters of the heart. And people aren't replacable. In fact, deep down inside, I'm a fairly caring and compassionate person. I cry when I'm hurt. And I know that people and their feelings are just as important as me and mine.

Cheers to sex with love and to finding love within myself...