Boys

Some boys are insincere. They lie to you about their age, their relationship status, whether they have kids or not, and how much they really like you just to get a chance to get into your pants.

Some boys are emotionally unavailable. They keep things light and fun so you never question why none of their friends know about you, and they dodge affection like it isn't real.

And there are some boys who will tell you that they're sorry when they make a mistake, and when you say "it's okay", they will tell you it's not and give you a hug that means "thanks for being patient with me". These are the boys that will look into your eyes while laying on top of you and tell you that you are gorgeous, and when you try to dismiss it as a tired line and say nothing to acknowledge it, they will not let you kiss them, even though you try to. Instead, they will catch your eyes and ask again and again - "You're gorgeous. Do you know that?" And after enough times, you will skeptically ask, "Really? You think so?" And they will say yes and kiss you on your forehead in such a way that when you fall asleep in their arms, you will truly believe that you are more than just beautiful in their eyes.

New Year's Resolutions

1) Exercise more

I won't join a gym or invest in new equipment. I'll just make room for my exercise ball and yoga mat everyday and flip on the exercise DVDs.

2) No more smoking

I smoke like once a month, if that, but I always feel like crap after I do. So, no more smoking for me.

3) Drink less

I'm getting rid of my at-home bar. I might throw a New Year's Eve party at my place and drink the rest of my full bar. I'm sad to see it go, but alcohol is a toxin, not a beverage :P

4) Get contacts

I'm finally going to take the plunge. 4 out of 5 people agree that I'd look hotter without glasses. I guess we'll "see" ;) Aren't I "punny"? :P

5) Practice safer sex

I'm going to get a fishbowl, fill it with condoms and put it on my nitestand. Who cares if people think I'm promiscuous? At least I'll be safe and I'll feel less uneasy after sex.

6) Make new friends

I'm going to be that girl who always has her cell phone going off. I hate having to depend on my small group of friends whenever I want to do something.

7) Get rid of old acquaintances

I have a lot of scummy people that I know, and they need to be purged. So, out with the old, in with the new ;)

8) Have a new adventure, once a month

I've always wanted to go wine tasting, or camping, or get all glammed up and go to a goth club or something. I want to try new things while I still have the energy to try it all :D

9) Start practicing my viola

I've been in a 2-year practicing funk. If I could practice just one hour a day, imagine how good I would be ;) Plus, I have to prep for my senior recital in the Fall of '06 ;)

10) Be more spiritual

It's been years since I've really taken spirituality seriously. I'd like to train in the meditative arts as well as hone my divinational skills. I think it would be something very important for me to do because my internal life is currently lacking a center :(

This will be a monthly updated blog, and I will keep track of my progress throughout the year. My end goal is to stay faithful to a minimum of 3 resolutions :)

Time to Say Goodbye

Sometimes, you just have to know when to stop gambling. We all lose a few hands, and sometimes, you just want to keep playing and keep betting, if only to not let everyone else walk away from the table with your money. But there comes a point when you have to get up, grab your dignity, and walk away. That time is now.

There are people who you'll meet in life who will be happy with you no matter what you do. And there are people you'll meet in life who will always see the things you do that are wrong. There will be people who want you to stay the same, and there are people who will want you to change, for better or for worse. But no matter how many people you meet in life, you always have to remember something: you are you.

You cannot be a recreation of what someone else wants you to be. You cannot change for anyone else but yourself, no matter how virtuous or vile the reason. And above all, you are a constantly changing stream, always taking different paths and creating your own life to how you see fit. You may have additions in your life such as relationships or goals that you can nurture and support. But there are other times where what you let in your life becomes an obstruction and you either need to dispel it from your system or find a way around it. And you, being the ever-changing stream, does exactly that.

I had an obstruction. I found my way around it. And now, I have dispelled it. Goodbye. Peace be with me.