Commitment

Why is the epitome of an intimate relationship commitment? What is it about us that makes us feel like commiting ourselves to someone or having others commit to us is somehow better? Sure, commitment makes us feel safe and comfortable. When we're in a committed relationship, we can talk openly and freely with the understanding that it's just between the two of you, not anyone else. We can express our intimate love for one another without hangups or boundaries.

But what if it's all an illusion? What if commitment doesn't change anything and it's just a figment of our imagination? What if we're tricking ourselves? How much do we really know about the people we're sleeping with? We can feel like we can say anything to each other in a committed relationship, but what if that's not true? What if commitment just makes us bolder and more brash to one another?

What about the title "girlfriend" gives her the right to call 20 times a day? What about the title "boyfriend" gives him the right to know where you are every second of the day? What if commitment is not the beginning, but the end?

If commitment is not all it's cracked up to be, then "friends with benefits" is also a no go. "Friends with benefits" assumes you're using someone for the intimate things you need when and where you want them. There's nothing nice about having that "one nite stand" feeling, regularly. And I guess that's where commitment comes from. It's a form of ownership. It defeats and throws down jealousy and doubt and mistrust. In a way, the word "commitment" should be translated as "commit to me - because you're mine."

Extremism and Maturity

Lately, I've been thinking about extremism and maturity and what these two ideas hold for each other. Are they opposites? Someone can easily say that to be mature is to be able to compromise and find the middle-ground. Or are they complements? For being mature enough to know you want and then not settle for less is mututally beneficial.

People always say that I'm mature - wise beyond my years and able to handle the rigors of life extraordinarily well for someone my age, which assumes maturity comes with time and experience. I can say that I've had my fair share of experiences in my lifetime, probably more than most 22-year-olds. I've been challenged by others and by myself and because of that, I've come out strong and able to roll with life's punches. I know that nothing is forever - friendships can reblossom, people can die, ability can be restored, a moment is a moment, and things will never be the same way they were yesterday.

So, with that, does maturity foster compromise or extremism? If someone understands that things are temporary and transparent, would they invariably search for something present and permanent in their lives? Would they be extremists in the sense that they won't settle for less than what they're looking for? Would we say that people who spend their whole lives looking for their soulmates are mature? Or is that when someone understands that life is made up of moments, that they only seek to share in an isolated moment and therefore are willing to compromise what they really want for what they want, right now?

But maybe to be mature is to know how to juggle both - to strive towards your ideals while being able to still enjoy the path you take to get there. Maybe maturity not only assumes time and experience, but also being able to use that time and experience to make future time and experience worth living.

I used to be an extremist about everything, but I find myself slowly changing with the seasons. I'm more able to let people pass through my life, appreciate people for who they are trying to become, let go of old dreams, and remember the times when things were perfect and I didn't hope for more - for friendships can reblossom, people can die, ability can be restored, a moment is a moment, and things will never be the same way they were yesterday.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

There is no hot water in my apartment! :( I hate this! It's been like this since yesterday afternoon. I had to do dishes in cold water and wash my face with cold water, and now, I'm going to have to do it again! :( And I really was looking forward to a nice hot shower this morning seeing as it's been rainy and cold since yesterday. *sigh*

My finger is still jacked too. I sat out on our quartet rehearsal yesterday because my finger hurt so bad that I couldn't even move it. So, I just coached. It's really fun and an educational experience to sit and listen to your colleaugues play from an objective standpoint. You get to really see their strengths and weaknesses. I wonder what I would say about my own playing if I could be objective about it.

Ewwwwwwwwww... I have to go wash my face with cold water now :(

Update

So, I ended up getting that sexy geisha costume for Halloween. I'm trying to get a group of people to go to West Hollywood's Carnaval where over 300,000 people show up and walk around in their crazy costumes! I went last year and it was so much fun! :D Right now, I'm debating on whether to take pictures before Halloween of me in my costume and post them on my blog or not. What do you guys think? :P

I also have another drink recipe! :D I made it last nite and it got rave reviews. I call this one "Christmas" because of the red and green liquids ;) Take De Kuyper's Sour Green Apple Pucker and fill it an inch full in an "old fashioned" glass. Then, take Ocean Spray cranberry juice and top it off. You don't have to serve it with ice, and it tastes like a healthy fruit juice with a kick! ;) I almost wanted to call it "Quyen Juice", but then I thought of the implications :P hehehe

And now, the most important of these "updates". Yesterday, I played a marathon, 4-hour solo viola gig for an art show. I even had a roadie who set up my microphone, CD player and amp. So, all I had to do was sit down and play into the mic. All was well, until this creepy guy comes up to me and whispers into me ear, as I'm playing, "You have beautiful feet. I want to lick them."

I was mortified. And the worst part was that I couldn't run away because I was in the middle of a song and I also couldn't tell him to get the hell away from me because I was miked and everyone would have heard it over the speaker system! :( So, even though I got accosted by a pervert, I did make $130 at the gig.

But now, I have some kind of rheumatoid arthritis in my left hand fingers because of the weather changing from cold and rainy to hot and sunny and back all day long! My finger is actually still swollen, and I have a concert with the Goldberg Quartet on Thursday! :( What am I going to do? I'm too young to have arthritis :(

Dating News

So, that guy never called me back. Oh well. It's his loss :P It's too bad that I let him get to me like that though. I don't know what it was, but he totally made me question myself, like whether I'm attractive or intelligent, etc. I hate that I let him have that power over me. If he does call back later, even if I want to go on a second date, I'm just going to say, "Sorry, Buddy. Did you expect me to just sit around and wait for you to call?" What a bastard :P

Dating Makeup Tip: For Asian women, a gold eyeshadow works great as a browbone highlighter. It works so well with our yellow skin! :D For all women, any brightly colored eyeliner pencil looks dramatic when applied on the inside corners of your eyes, nearest the nose. Couple this with a black eyeliner on the outside wings and you've got a striking and unforgettable look ;)

Dating Cocktail Recipe: If you really wanna get your date messed up so you can take advantage of them, make this drink which masks the flavor of its 99 proof liquor! ;) Take an "old-fashioned" glass and fill it about an inch full of "99 Bananas", then top it off any non-alcoholic strawberry daquiri mix. Serve on the rocks. Wait 15 minutes. Take advantage. :P Enjoy! ;)

Someone gave me my first facial!

Meow.

Just kidding :P I spent $115 on a facial recently because my skin has been looking so bad lately. I learned a lot of cool things in the 90 minutes I spent there like how to give a great neck and shoulder massage, how erotic it is to have someone massage your ears, and the right way to pop a pimple.

I swear! I totally wanted to moan in ecstacy when she was giving me the massage. I mean, it's really hard to not express pleasure when you're experiencing it (that must be why I'm loud in bed :P) But I guess it's like an unspoken rule to not let out a moan when your getting a professional massage. It just makes everyone involved feel really uncomfortable :P

I can just imagine if I did:

*massaging Quyen*

*Quyen moans*

Facialist - "Okay, that's it. Put your clothes back on and get out."

*Facialist leaves and Quyen runs after her*

(at front desk)
Facialist - "I was just sexually harassed by this lesbian!" :P

Anyway, back to the facial... I didn't know this beforehand, but when you get a facial, your skin actually gets worse before it gets better because the facial actually brings all the crap that's waiting deep inside your skin to the surface. So right now, I have the worst acne I could ever imagine :( Hopefully this getting a facial once a month helps me out. If it does, I can put it in my budget :P

Halloween Costumes :D

It's that time of year again, and I'm deciding on a new costume ;) Last year, I was a porn star, although everyone just thought I was a prostitute :P This year, I'm thinking of going as a sexy geisha or maybe a sexy schoolteacher with a ruler (good for punishing boys who've been bad) hehe :P I'm not sure yet. Any suggestions?

And this time, I'm bringing the camera. So, I will post pics this year ;)

Game Playing

So after a short hiatus on dating, I'm back to it. But with dating comes all those stupid games, like how many days to wait before you call again, and the boy should pursue the girl, not the other way around. And even though I can see that these are stupid games, I get caught up in it.

Why can't two people just like each other? And then I get to thinking, what if he doesn't like me and it's not a game at all? What if I'm sitting here thinking he's playing "the game" and instead he's just not that into me? Or what if he is, but he thinks that I'm just not that into him?

It's so weird how we psyche ourselves out when dating. Why can't their be some sort of "last words" at the end of a date where you just say, "Hey, I am (am not) attracted to you. I do (don't) want to go out on a second date" Seriously, how much grief would this save us? We would never have to think about anything. No waiting for the phone to ring, wondering whether we made a good impression, no wondering whether we're attractive enough, etc.

But for now, I guess I'm going to have to wait by the phone. I'm expecting a call. I think :P

I'm the Worst

I'm so sorry I haven't blogged for almost a month! I'm a terrible friend, blog buddy, intellectual booty call, or whatever I am to you :P There's so much that's gone on! So much drama and the like that there's too much to write down - so, I won't :P

But I will tell you my thought of the day today. I've been thinking that there really is someone for everyone. Whatever size or shape you are, you have romantic options just waiting for you...

For example:

Big women ---> big men, all types of lesbians

Hot men ---> hot women, other hot men :P

Ugly women ---> ugly men, open relationships

etc...

I know that is so non-PC, but you know it's true. :P So, the next time your friend belittles themselves and says "I'll never find anyone", just think of my list. ;)